Matt's Official Communism Test

Now, at long last, you can find out precisely how much of a communist you are according to Matt! Just answer the simple questions below, and you'll know once and for all whether you're a red-blooded, freedom-loving, gun-toting American, or a slimy, Stalin-worshipping, pinko bastard (or somewhere in between).

Curious what this is all about? You're not alone. Check out the Frequently Asked Questions.

1. Do you like Tootsie Rolls?
Yes
No

2. Do you like beef?
Yes
No

3. Do you like cheese?
Yes
No

4. Do you like The Three Stooges?
Yes
No

5. Do you like V-8 engines?
Yes
No

6. Do you like Harleys?
Yes
No

7. Have you seen The Blues Brothers?
Yes
No

8. Have you seen Strange Brew?
Yes
No

9. Have you seen So I Married an Ax Murderer?
Yes
No

10. Have you seen Die Hard?
Yes
No

11. Have you seen any John Wayne movie?
Yes
No

12. Have you seen the Star Wars Trilogy? (The originals, none of this Jar-Jar shit)
Yes
No

13. Do you know the name of the Dukes' car? (If you have to ask who the Dukes are, give up now)
Yes
No

14. Do you know what type of car it was?
Yes
No

15. Do you know what kind of gun Dirty Harry uses?
Yes
No

16. Do you know what type of car Starsky & Hutch drove?
Yes
No

17. If you were Bill Clinton, would you have cheated on Hillary?
Yes
No

18. Do you prefer...
Coca-cola or
Pepsi ?

19. Do you prefer...
Potatoes or
Salad ?

20. Do you prefer...
Driving or
Bicycling ?

21. Do you prefer...
Original Star Trek or
Next Generation ?

22. Do you prefer...
Leather or
Vinyl ?

23. Do you prefer...
Angelina Jolie or
Uma Thurman ?

24. Do you prefer...
Stephen King or
Anne Rice ?

25. Do you prefer...
Stick shift or
Automatic ?

26. Do you prefer...
Motorcycle or
Scooter (i.e. Vespa) ?

27. Do you prefer...
Coffee or
Tea ?

28. Do you prefer...
Leatherman or
Swiss Army Knife ?

29. Do you prefer...
PC or
Macintosh ?

30. Have you ever worked in fast food?
Yes
No

You are Communist!

Help me compile stats! Once you've gotten your score, click the button below to send it to me.

(This is completely anonymous - no need to worry about your friends finding out how much of a commie you really are!)

As promised, here are the aggregated results of all the submissions I have received since implementing the "Submit" feature two years ago. Outside folks I actually know in person, the demographic here is pretty random. I've received results from all over the world:

1% - 15% ~ You are a decent American. You probably played sports in high school, eat lots of red meat, and watch plenty of TV. Keep it up!

16% - 34% ~ All in all, you’re not bad. Perhaps it’s not your fault; maybe you had a sheltered childhood, or grew up in Oregon or Canada. At any rate, there’s still hope for you.

35% - 69% ~ You’re a liberal who probably majored in sociology, and dabbled in Marxism in college. In all likelihood, you are a closet vegetarian. At this point, it’s probably too late for you to see the error of your ways, so you are a lost cause.

70% - 100% ~ Youch, you’re so communist it hurts! You probably refer to your friends as ‘Comrade’ and favor big furry hats as a fashion statement. There is absolutely no excusing your deplorable lack of American traits, you soulless commie spy!

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